Best Husband Ever

So if there is one thing I love to do is brag about my incredible husband Nick. I had no idea how blessed I would be to be marrying my high school sweetheart. He is a gifted baker, fisherman, boyscout, gym rat, cook, gunsman, cyclist, cuddler, giver, comedian, and those are just to name a few. Pretty soon he will be a phenomenal, godly, selfless father to a blessed son name Luke.
I always heard from pessimistic people that it all goes down hill after you get married, that you really don't stay in love and the honeymoon fades away, yet, I have experienced the opposite. I truly believe that God has used this time of me being unemployed as a time to trust, love, admire, respect and lean on my husband in ways I didn't have to or thought I needed to when I was working. He is such a hard worker, I mean they had to tell him he was working too much, he gets to work before anyone and leaves in time to eat dinner (which he always eats, all my healthy stuff, he never complains!) He is a godly man who's longing is to provide for his family even if it means staying at a job that is so difficult to go to everyday.
He is a fighter for what is right and just for this family. I am doing a homebirth with a midwife that was not covered in network with our insurance. My sweet husband, who is totally for a homebirth, fought his way to the top to get my midwife in-network, he spent hours on the phone of all the other "midwives" in the policy and proved that none of them would work, he spent hours on the phone with many different people, and in the end won! I couldn't be more proud of grateful for his hard work and God's faithfulness, just another confirmation that a homebirth is right for us!
I could go on and on but in the end, all I have to say is that I fall more and more in love with the man I liked when I was 15. Now almost 9 years to the day that we started dating we will have a baby boy in our arms. God is so faithful when you fully trust him with your husband, when you serve God and love God first, then serve and love your husband, praying for him always, and respecting him as God calls us to do. I pray that more people see the secret to marriage is God being first in it!

Take up your cross

So this whole pregnancy, baby coming soon thing is sort of becoming a reality. Although I don't even look pregnant yet, the Lord is teaching me a lot these days. Our pastor is doing a series on priorities when it comes to God, family and everything else in life. The last two Sundays have been talking about family and children, and I have not cried happy tears like that in a long time.

This was a very unexpected life that is growing in me, yet while I cannot see it, feel it, or ever met this sweet one, I am falling in love. I am excited to give birth and hold this sweet baby of ours on my chest, then pass this beautiful love of ours around to family and friends showing how good God is even when you consider his plan wrong at the time. This has been a roller coaster of emotions for me, yet, for some reason, I have been ready, a weird, excited, anticipation is building up in this mama! I can't wait to find out if its a boy or girl, then see baby move all the time and especially when Nick and I talk to it. I am so excited to share Jesus with our child, sing to our child, pray with our child, dance with our child, bake with our child. I am excited to be selfless and sacrifice for our loved child.

I have a confession, I am very selfish. I mean this is not what I had planned for my life. I was to have kids when all our ACU debt was paid off, when we had a house, when I was 27, that is prime and perfect age ya know, when Nick and I have 5 years behind us in marriage, when I would have worked more than a year and a half in full time youth ministry, then I would have a child. Yet, you know, my plans were not God's. I have the gift of faith and discernment I believe, yet for so long I never heard a clear answer from God on what was next for the Martinez family, never expected this. Yet, I am so ready to be a mom! I am so ready to not work and take care of my little one! God has changed my heart and is making it more like this through a series of unexpected and painful events ending with "and here is the ultimate gift to you, a child!" A friend of mine reminded me this week that I must take up my cross daily, hourly, minute by minute, just as Jesus tells his disciples in Matthew 16:24-25, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."

So this is my prayer for me and for everyone that calls themselves a disciple of Christ.
Lord I will give up my plans, my wants in life that do not coincide with yours. I will stop writing out my own blueprint of my life and hand over the tools to you in exchange for the heavy cross. I will make sacrifices to serve others, my husband, my child, my friends and family, and those I don't know, all for the name of Jesus Christ. Solomon had it right when he said in Proverbs 19:21, "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevail." Thank you father for your purposes, they are so much better than mine. I will deny myself and trust in you Abba.


-Your precious daughter

Spinning for Two!

As many of you know Nick and I have had a roller coaster of a life for a couple of months now. I have been having women's health issues that the doctors were not helping at all with, I was continually crying out to God for answers as I diligently searched and interviewed for youth ministry jobs around the country, and I was not hearing much from God except, "Trust Me." I would look and listen for specific answers and I knew that He had a huge plan for us.

In  my mind I thought we would be in Michigan, Oklahoma, here in Texas, I would be in an amazing church doing High School Ministry and loving my life. Nick and I totally thought that was this big amazing surprising life he had for us, so I was doing my part and praying and searching.

All the while I have such amazing friends who love me, care for me, check on me, and keep me accountable in my walk with God as they continue to pray for me.

It was Monday January 3 when Nick finally asked me how I was doing really, I broke down. I was tired of trying, tired of praying, tired of not hearing clearly where we were to go, and not receiving many offers. I was tired of working my butt off at the gym and eating really healthy yet not seeing much results on the scale. I was just tired of being tired. He held me, listened to me as I cried myself to sleep. Wednesday January 5, I finally again surrendered, writing in my journal as I prayed saying, "God, I trust you and I can say that with full confidence now, I am willing to go wherever, and do whatever you ask of me even the craziest things." Little did I know what I just said.

I had been to the specialist and gotten like a gallon of blood taken from me the previous day, and received a call on January 6 from them. This is very weird they never get lab results this soon, so after a lot of phone tag, the finally called back and here is what I heard, "Caitlyn, Dr. Alk. is referring you back to your OBGYN because your pregnancy test came back POSITIVE."

"Are you serious!!!!" I said as I started to ball frantically on my way to my eye appointment late. I was freaking out and called Nick, "I am pregnant, they said that I couldn't, what is God doing?"

So here I am processing this as I am crying in the doctors office, then head to the gym to do Body Pump as I wait to take the home pregnancy test when Nick (daddy) got home. We took it, I balled again, he smiled and cried and it was sure enough positive. Holy Crap! I didn't expect this answer, I mean I didn't want to be a mom at 23, I have all my life planned out, and I was not supposed to be pregnant til I was like 27!

But God knows everything, He is in control, He gave us a little baby, a life that my doctors said was not even possible for me now. So I had to email all the churches that I was interviewing with, didn't go to Michigan, had to decline an interview for a job I desperately wanted in Oklahoma City, and now we are staying in Katy and staying at Grace Fellowship, the church I thought I would never go back to.

Yesterday I had the honor of seeing this beautiful life and hearing the heartbeat of baby Martinez at 7 weeks.

Now I am working out nauseous and exhausted as I am spinning for two now! I am ready to be a mom, never thought I would say that two years out of college, but I truly believe God has been preparing me for a while. So come August 29 or so, 9 years almost to the date Nick and I got together, we will have a sweet new addition to the Martinez family God willing.

Please pray for us as we seek wisdom in jobs and what is to come with all the big decisions and for health for me and the baby, and Nick as he embarks on this new journey with me.

Here's to You Kid

I can't believe this day has come. Today was my last day to see all of my junior highers at Grace Fellowship. What an amazing year and a half it has been. Whether it was dressing up like a crazy person and going to HEB with all the 8th grade girls and Scott. Or the many Spirit and Splashes on Wendesday night. Or the many Huddle Groups or THRIVE nights where the glass almost always broke on the worship center because of the many dodgeballs that hit the windows. Or the late nights on mission trips listening to girls who are ready to love God with all their soul but they are hurting with every part of them. Or the many prayer altars on Sunday mornings at AM Rush where all the kids surrender their hearts to God. Or the retreats and campout, or the mission trips where you saw these junior highers really think outside of themselves.

I have loved watching them pray, worship, cry, laugh, go crazy off the sugary bagels, and love God in the midst of a hard three years of life.
Here's to you Grace Junior Highers. I love you  all so much.

"Christianity is..."

Picked up a great quote at the gym this morning,"Christianity is not a religion but a relationship."-Dr. Thieme.
What an incredible reminder. If you think, and I fall into this trap sometimes as well, that our relationship with God, us being a Christian is only part of who we are, then we are doomed. Jesus is the reason not only for this season but for life. He sent his only son to live a perfect life, reach those who were hurting and broken, to heal diseases, bring life to the full, then die on a cross in the worst way possible only to rise again. He did that all because God wants to be in a relationship with you, with me, with the mormons, with the muslims, with the hindus, all races, all statuses, all people. Jesus died so that all may live.
Now let me say this, its not going to be easy, but what a gift Jesus has left us with, the Holy Spirit, the counselor. Nothing on this earth can ever bring life, feed my soul, than life with Christ.

Francis Chan's book- Crazy Love, was a challenging, convicting read that I believe everyone should pick up and dive into, then his second book-The Forgotten God. But in Crazy Love, he says this, "The irony is that while God doesn't need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don't really want Him most of the time. He treasures us and anticipates our departure from this earth to be with Him-and we wonder, indifferently, how much we have to do for Him to get by."


May we as Christians not make God, reading His word, praying, and seeking His face and relationship with Him be an afterthought after we have done everything else on our to do list. Matthew 6:19-21 says,"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is there your heart will be also."


Treasure doesn't necessarily mean materials though, where is your time, your money your effort going towards. God is waiting and ready to be in relationship with you, grow you, lead you, bring you ultimate joy, reach the nations through your gifts. He doesn't need us, yet he chooses us. 


It's not a religion but a relationship, Christianity, is the only "religion" that is not about rules and laws but a relationship with the most high. Take hold of that today and relish in the fact that you are a child of God, sit in your father's lap and listen.

God's Perfect Gift to Me!

This past weekend Nick and I were able to attend the Familylife Weekend to Remember-a well know marriage conference. Besides the fact that we stayed in the nicest hotel we have ever been in, were unplugged, and indulged once again in amazing food,  the best part of the weekend was that it was with my best friend, my dearest husband!
I don't mean to be proud or come across as a know it all, but most of the things that were taught, we already do in our marriage. This goes to show that we have amazing people who are speaking into our lives, our family, and many resources that we are always reading in order to better be a godly couple. I love that God has placed amazing friends who pursue the Lord in their marriage and on their own. They love us, encourage us, give us great resources, and great biblical truth in order to better our marriage so that I ultimately respect my husband the way God wants me to, and Nick to love me the way God calls him to.
We have been together for over 8 years and it's so cool to see where we were, obsessed with each other, and now following the Lord in everything! We are not perfect by far, but we are very blessed. So here's to you friends who read this, I love and appreciate all that you share with us and encourage us in!
Now for Nick, we spend a lot of time together simply because we don't have kids yet. But, this weekend was an incredible gift. We often come home and watch our favorite show, cook together, or workout together, yet we are not totally here. Whether we are looking at news, facebook, or surfing the internet, we don't give much intentional attention to each other. Technology is great, but when you say no to it and give your husband your eyes, your ears your heart, you show so much respect to him! I learned that I am a little addicted to technology and it was so freeing to relish in the fact that my husband is phenomenal. No email, no job site checks every 10 minutes, no facebook!

I challenge everyone to take a full sabbath even a week of unplugging while at home, devote your whole self to God first and then to your spouse!

Nick you are God's perfect gift for me, thank you for the support, the anger, the hugs, the love, the listening ear. I am my beloved's and he is mine!

A tribute to my fellow youthworkers!

I recently went to the National Youth Workers Convention in Nashville and the Lord showed me many things there. I realized that I have so much to be thankful for, I have been able to work at an incredible church who gets it. They get that we in ministry shouldn't be overworked, that being no more than 40 hours a week if necessary. They get that family comes first, after your relationship with God, comes your family, then ministry. They get that programs are not the way to an intimate relationship with God, but that prayer and seeking the Lord's wisdom in scripture, through His Holy Spirit, and through others speaking on behalf of God, through families, through service, we encounter the Most High King!
Most youthworkers are part time, but work full time hours, most youthworkers have a ministry of 50 kids or less, and most youthworkers are on the edge of burnout. The Lord is so faithful, so constant, so loving, so near. Even when we feel like there is not fruit, even when we feel like we are at our end, God is constant, He sees it all, He is for us.
My prayer for all the youthworkers, serving God and loving teens is this, "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
I truly believe the Lord has given me a heart for youth, a heart for those who are searching for God, who are hurting for something more, who are ready to make a difference in this world. It is a daily choice to delight yourself in the Lord, a daily surrender to God even when all your fears say otherwise. God is a faithful God. Thank you for this season, thank you for your heart.

Oh to Have Faith

My life has been a whirlwind since my last post. On that same day God called me to leave my job in a painful way, in a way I never thought would ever happen. Yet, I knew that the Lord was doing something in my life, something was coming, the calm before the storm. Just when I was out of the desert, here I am back again, being humbled, refined, strengthened, and encouraged. I am searching for a new church home, a new job, a new ministry, all the while saying goodbye to the kids and parents I love for 3 months. The longest goodbye ever, answering questions the best way I can and continuing to say its not the kids. There are days of many tears, and there are days of pure hope and faith. I can honestly say this has been one of the hardest seasons. All the while God has surrounded me with incredible friends, who are always listening, encouraging and speaking truth, even when I know it. I love my husband and friends who are battling around me praying for me.
During this season there has been many scriptures that the Lord has spoke over me through my reading or through my loving friends. First one being Psalm 27: 13-14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." My dear friend Wendy posted this on my wall a little while after she found out I was leaving. 
Let me tell ya, this is a season of waiting! Waiting for the right church to call, waiting to hear from the doctor, waiting on God to make everything ok again, why must I sit in pain and confusion and silence. Being a Christ-follower is not always easy, that is why many people don't choose to take up the cross. 
Today is one of those days, I am angry that the Lord promises one thing and yet makes you wait in silence, no bites, no phone calls, no emails, just tears, anger, and almost giving up. 
I know in the bottom of my heart that the Lord has gifted me for Youth Ministry, I know at the bottom of my heart, there is a church, there is a ministry full of hungry students and God is preparing me and this church for the right time. But the Lord is always constant, never failing, if I delight myself in Him, he will grant the desires of my heart. My heart is for God, my heart is for teenagers and college students searching for more. My heart is for Jesus and his ministry, my heart is for the Holy Spirit and all his power. My heart is for making God proud and glorified, God would you lead me to a place that is longing for the same. I want the faith of Abraham, all the time. Lord, help me in my unbelief. 
"By faith, when Abraham was called to the place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."Hebrews 11:8. May this be true of me oh God. 

Into the Desert

"My soul thirst for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?" Psalm 42:2

This was my soul for the last 5 months. I was so thirsty running to different cisterns that were only half full so never satisfied my deepest longings to be with the almighty lover of my soul, my Lord. Yet, I kept running, running after the weight loss, running after the dieting, running after the self-help books, and constantly looking in the mirror seeing nothing that satisfied, physically or spiritually. I would cry out to God but only half-heartedly not surrendering my everything. 

I was continuing to dry up like a prune, and my marriage was lacking, my job was lacking. Yet, I thought I was ok, I could run on my reserve and God would get me through. I loved my job therefore it wouldn't be an issue. Little did I know that what was prophesied over me in April would come true. 

He would lead me into a desert, full of opposition only for me to be His bride. He would allow attacks from the enemy only to draw me into a closer  and more intimate relationship with Him. 

It hurt, tremendously, I have some bruises, I have some scars, and I had many tears. Yet, I made it through, but not by my power. God is so faithful, he ultimately wants everyone's heart, all of it. 

So here I am, walking out of the desert, with every step taken looking towards God for guidance, not out of my strength which is nothing. I have been listening to Mark Driscoll off and on for a while, he is one of my favorite Pastors, and has a well known church out of Seattle called Mars Hill. I listened to this sermon on Friday, "Redeeming Greatness," and my eyes were opened.

Here is the acronym from the sermon. Man was I humbled and inspired to be Great according to this.

G-Glorify God Alone

R-Reject unhealthy comparisons to others.

E-Enjoy humbly serving the outcasts.

A-Accept your life and do your best

T- Take opportunities to
redeem your ambitions.

Lord, may I be great in your eyes, not in the eyes of this world, I pray that you would guide me in this, I can't do this on my own. Reveal your glory through me and not my glory! 

Chef Nick

So every morning at 5:45 am, my sweet incredible husband gets up and makes this!

Nick dices onion, spinach, and red bell pepper. Then he sautees that while he separates the eggs so we eat egg white omelets. Then voila! This is my breakfast to start off my workout every morning, so sweet!

I know it's silly, but it is little things like making breakfast for me every morning that make me love Nick. He is so giving and loving in many ways, I am so blessed to have him. 

This is to you my dear Chef Nick! Smooch!

Only One Thing Is Needed

I have had a week of a lifetime I feel. I have not felt this full, this loved, this beautiful, and so close to the Lord in a while. The story of Mary and Martha is such a crucial story in my life that God uses so often to draw me back to what is most important in life.

Being in ministry is working for the Lord so most people assume that working for the Lord is very fueling, you are always with God, loving Him, serving Him, and being full by pouring out. Yet, it is probably close to the opposite of that. We see when Jesus comes to the house of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42 that Mary immediately sits at the feet of Jesus as Martha is BUSY doing preparations for Jesus. When Martha asks Jesus to intervene, he looks over and says, "Martha, Martha..., you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

I experienced this first hand last week. I had been slowly moving God down my list of priorities and through hurtful and hard circumstances, God brought me to a place of brokenness and sanctification. I was in the crucible as Jesus said to me, "Caitlyn you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. You have to choose what is better, and it will not be taken away from you." Hearing those words is one thing, until I actually ran after what matters with all that I am.

God is a faithful, steady, loving, merciful, gracious, God who longs to sit with you, commune with you, and speak to you. Yet, in life and in ministry life we often never slow down long enough to say, "Here I am Jesus, my mind, my body, my soul, refine me, use me, speak to me, your servant is listening."

My ministry peeps, remember that your soul and your relationship with God is what matters most. You may think that your "work" your Bible studying for your lessons is really fueling you and that is your quiet time with God. Yet, would you read about your girlfriend or boyfriend in order to get to know them, or would you converse and listen to them? If you feel as though every day you are at work you are digging from your reserve, check yo self, check yo tank, meet with God.

I no longer want to be a Martha: I will no longer check my email before sitting with God, I will no longer study in my quiet time to simply find that scripture for my devotional that night. I will no longer clean my whole house before sitting in my favorite chair with my coffee, journal, and Bible. I refuse to allow excuses to get between me and Jesus.

I believe God moves and speaks through many avenues, here are a few that I have heard from this week.

Only one thing is needed.......to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen.

Freedom

If Jesus died to break the chains and give us freedom why do we continue to allow ourselves to live in bondage? Just as Romans 6:17-19 says, "Thank God! Once you were slaves of sin, but now you wholeheartedly obey this teaching we have given you. Now you are free from your slavery to sin, and you have become slaves to righteous living. Because of the weakness of your human nature, I am using the illustration of slavery to help you understand all this. Previously you let yourself be slaves to impurity and lawlessness, which led ever deeper into sin. Now you must give yourselves to be slaves to righteous living so that you will become holy." Now I know this and believe it, but I have been struggling with living it. 

We live in a world, in a community that expects the best in every area of your life, no matter the cost. Girls we live in a world that bombards us with thin, sexy, beautiful, airbrushed women in magazines, movies, music videos, and advertisements. I am one admittedly that has bought into this, and yet with every step I take closer to the ideal woman in America, the farther I walk from God and holiness. 

Vanity is often never addressed when in all reality we struggle with it. I mean how often do I catch myself looking and lingering in the mirror only to continually tear down myself and come out very unsatisfied. This all leading to more hours in the gym and less calories in my day. 

Then there I was, broken, lonely, tired, and hungry! Then there was God, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made!" You are beautiful more than you know, no matter what your pants size, no matter what your body shape, no matter your fat percentage, you are gorgeous and even more beautiful on the inside. Cliche, yes I know, but the truth of the matter is, I will never be good enough in the world's eyes, and I am ok with that.

 I wish more girls heard how beautiful they were, imagine the impact this would have on a girls life if they heard that more from their father and mother than they ever did from their first boyfriend.

I don't want to live any longer in these chains, Jesus already won, why live in the loss. I am a slave to righteousness, running after the things that matter most, Jesus, and storing up my treasures in heaven!