Oh to Have Faith

My life has been a whirlwind since my last post. On that same day God called me to leave my job in a painful way, in a way I never thought would ever happen. Yet, I knew that the Lord was doing something in my life, something was coming, the calm before the storm. Just when I was out of the desert, here I am back again, being humbled, refined, strengthened, and encouraged. I am searching for a new church home, a new job, a new ministry, all the while saying goodbye to the kids and parents I love for 3 months. The longest goodbye ever, answering questions the best way I can and continuing to say its not the kids. There are days of many tears, and there are days of pure hope and faith. I can honestly say this has been one of the hardest seasons. All the while God has surrounded me with incredible friends, who are always listening, encouraging and speaking truth, even when I know it. I love my husband and friends who are battling around me praying for me.
During this season there has been many scriptures that the Lord has spoke over me through my reading or through my loving friends. First one being Psalm 27: 13-14 "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." My dear friend Wendy posted this on my wall a little while after she found out I was leaving. 
Let me tell ya, this is a season of waiting! Waiting for the right church to call, waiting to hear from the doctor, waiting on God to make everything ok again, why must I sit in pain and confusion and silence. Being a Christ-follower is not always easy, that is why many people don't choose to take up the cross. 
Today is one of those days, I am angry that the Lord promises one thing and yet makes you wait in silence, no bites, no phone calls, no emails, just tears, anger, and almost giving up. 
I know in the bottom of my heart that the Lord has gifted me for Youth Ministry, I know at the bottom of my heart, there is a church, there is a ministry full of hungry students and God is preparing me and this church for the right time. But the Lord is always constant, never failing, if I delight myself in Him, he will grant the desires of my heart. My heart is for God, my heart is for teenagers and college students searching for more. My heart is for Jesus and his ministry, my heart is for the Holy Spirit and all his power. My heart is for making God proud and glorified, God would you lead me to a place that is longing for the same. I want the faith of Abraham, all the time. Lord, help me in my unbelief. 
"By faith, when Abraham was called to the place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."Hebrews 11:8. May this be true of me oh God.